Wednesday, April 4, 2007


when i first referred in an email a month or two ago to lewis warsh that tonight’s united artists’ event was their 40th anniversary party
lewis emailed me back to say that it was a 30th anniversary party
that the first 10 years were for when it was called angel hair,
and i knew this but also saw that it was mentioned online as a 40th anniversary.
a few weeks later he emailed me to refer to it as a 40th anniversary party.
tonight, after i introduced him, he called it their 30th anniversary,
the first 10 years being for when it was called angel hair.


anselm asked me to read at the church with some guy that i never heard of
which is swell, because anselm doesn’t program idiots
but it was the day before a gallery event
so i asked him if there was another day i could read
and he switched me to june 6,
to read with a couple of my peers,
david cameron and buck downs,
which means i really do have to bring my a game.


it was weird
the way she let me go
without even telling me
that someone new was in my place
i wrote her back
poked her with a stick
told her that in seventh grade my friends
would’ve called her move weak.


another super bowl sunday with dad
it’s not that either one of us cares too much about the game
we’re not rabid football fans
don’t have any money riding on it
and neither of the locals are playing,
and i’m not really sure why he’s in his recliner watching,
but i know soon enough he won’t be
which is why i’m a few feet away on the couch.


my mom’s been fronting for some of my docs
as i don’t have any health insurance anymore
so for my diabetes scare follow-up
with the endocrinologist
i phone ahead to find out what it costs
so she can give me a check for the right amount.
i get back later and tell
that they had made a mistake
that it was $50 less
and that they’d credit me on my next appointment.
i can’t tell you how much fun it was to see mom freak out on me
over $50
wanting me to go back and give them a new check
and when i told her to relax
she got even angrier,
so that’s where my brother gets it from.


i still haven’t gotten my printer
to communicate with my new/old computer
it’s basically the only thing that needs to be done
before i’m up and running here
but i have files to copy edit
for my sister’s magazine
so i head to my childhood library
the second library i’ve computered in these past two weeks
download the pdf’s
and stick a chunk of the stack of paper i’ve got with me
and print them all out


it’s nice to see the young dental assistant
who i have a crush on,
the one who calls me music guy,
but this time I’m with a dentist who she doesn’t assist
this time.


i never know if it’s divine retribution
when a sinner of quite a big sin
is visited upon with some sorta some sorta
i just lean toward calling it karma
and keeping my mouth somewhat shut.


on the poetics list
a bunch of folks are ripping anna nicole smith
in that snarky walking the line poet way


i’m watching saturday night live
hosted by forest whitaker tonight
and maya rudolph comes out during his monologue
and mentions that he’s an excellent singer
and you never know what will follow
but, damn, forest whitaker has a killer voice,
dueting with rudolph,
herself a great singer,
the daughter of the late, minnie “lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful” riperton.


the police on the grammy’s
playing together for the first time since another one-shot
at their rock ’n’ roll hall of fame induction four years back
and 11 years before that at sting’s second wedding
it’s a one song—roxanne—and off
there’re rumors of a world tour being announced shortly thereafter,
likely with tickets priced like all the other reunion tours,
at up to $250 a seat.
i saw them play live once,
August 18, 1983
synchronicity tour,
shea stadium shaking
joan jett and the blackhearts
and a new band from athens, georgia, r.e.m., opening up.


i still haven’t seen your new boyfriend
but he’s really not new after almost two years anyways
and i could write it off when he was living in texas
as then his visits, were yr visits
and who wants to get in the way of that
but it’s been almost two years, and i still haven’t seen your new boyfriend
who isn’t your new boyfriend anymore
and i guess this means i’ll have to leave my apartment more frequently
or how can i say i’m your best friend, one of your best friends, anymore.


i was going to call you at seven in the morning and wish you a happy birthday mom
but then your first question would be why are you up so early
and i was too tired to lie about masturbating through the night
so i shut my phones off
and went to bed
and called you in the afternoon.


30 minutes left in guarding tess
so i turn it on
they’re about to kidnap first lady shirley maclaine
and as nicolas cage, the secret service agent in charge of her detail,
begins to get emotional,
about a five on the nicolas cage scale of overemotional acting
and in those 30 minutes on the women’s entertainment network
eight of them commercials
i’ve cried four times already,
and i’m rounding toward five.


my folks call and tell me that their jet blue flight to oakland
has been cancelled
i haven’t been outside in days
but the snow doesn’t look so bad through my terrace door


my folks call and tell me that their trip’s back on
that they’re flying out late tonight to beautiful burbank, california
then staying overnight
before flying from long beach into oakland
where my cousin richie will pick them
before they go to another cousin’s wedding.
it’s a bit much when you’re my parents
and you add up to 148,
but my mom’s two sisters died a short time ago within a short time
and now she’s even more family oriented than she was,
which was a lot,
and is why she’s going to a distant cousin’s wedding in a distant place.


i went outside today
i go outside when i need to
i just pool all the things that i need to do
and make an outside day
stop by the medicine shoppe
to pick me up some more lithium
then head to kinko’s to pick up the proof pages of my sister’s magazine
and pick up a copy of the onion on the street
and eat the green apple i brought
so i’m not hungry when i shop
and i buy lots of sugared stuff
to help feed my diabetes
it’s something i do once a month or so
hershey’s chocolate nuggets with almonds,
entenmann’s original recipe chocolate chip cookies,
a 2-liter bottle of hawaiian punch,
and the real killers, juices three,
apple, grapefruit, and orange,
and some real food, too.
debate delivery for a second,
before realizing it’s worth a coupla bucks to avoid the struggle.


i am not sure which kirsten dunst i’d like you to be.
maybe you playing tennis at wimbledon
or peter parker’s girl in spiderman
or a cheerleader in bring it on
(Hmmm, a cheerleader in bring it on.)
but it’s oh so much nicer when you’re oh so much darker
so it has to be crazy/beautiful.
we could get thrown out of parties
and then share our meds,
making sure each other’s ok
but we never would be
and that would be ok, too.


still no volunteers from all the musicians
to record the nirvana show tomorrow
so i call brian in new haven
and ask if he can send his minidisk recorder down with tom
and he probably would’ve anyway
even if he hadn’t bagged on playing the show
at the last minute
but that sure didn’t hurt when i was asking him
and reminding him of that.


you would’ve turned 40 today
the same age i turned two months ago to the day
and it’s real hard to picture that


when i saw your face
and then today saw your name
i can’t believe what you do know
feeling so ashamed
i know that you have bills
but we all have them
what would you do if he came home early
I’m guessing things would change.


it’s not that i want to slight you
but yre taking the subway
can’t you hock yr books another way
then on the plane traveler’s dime
perhaps some other time
since, you know, you live here


i’m trying to build my email address book back up
to where it was before my powerbook died
and took all 600 or so names with it
300 of them on my nyc list.
i’m back up to 62 now,
figuring where best to get some more,
so email matvei and shanna for poets
nan for musicians
and will get the family from my dad and sis.


my folks first full day back in new york
and we resume where we left off
with many calls back and forth
and me suggesting things that i know they’d like to watch on tv
because they don’t really bother checking too far ahead
and remembering to call them a few minutes before they’re on
because otherwise they would’ve forgotten
and remembering to check their cable company’s channel lineup
for the right channel number
since they’re verizon and i’m rcn.


“why the moderation?”
someone asked on the poetics list i post on
i keep wondering that myself
when i post early in the morning
to remind about an event that night
but now that the list is moderated
that post didn’t appear until after the event.
i wish that i had caused all of this moderation
with some inflammatory hate speech,
but since i didn’t do any such thing
it’s kind of frustrating.


it’s one of my favorite things about the internet
reading local papers from far away cities
tonight the boston globe to catch up on the red sox
and see how dice-k’s pitching.


53 years ago today my folks married
if i got married today
i’d have to live to 93 to match them.


eight nights after the nirvana night ends,
i’m full on into fleetwood mac booking mode,
when you space them out two months apart
it never ends.

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